


Fight! Ultrawoman Half-Pint vs Counterattacking Amanojaku

by Aardvark123



Series: All my Gensokyo Festival Stuff [3]
Category: Touhou Project, ウルトラシリーズ | Ultra Series
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Fights, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Parody, Tokusatsu - Freeform, Violence, the "major character death" isn't too serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 05:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17420204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aardvark123/pseuds/Aardvark123
Summary: In a twisted version of Gensokyo where giant monsters have made spell-card duels obsolete, Reimu and her allies face a never-ending battle to protect what they love. Unbeknownst to them, Shinmyoumaru is actually Ultrawoman Half-Pint, a giant warrior as strong as any monster who will not rest while the world is under threat. But when an old enemy returns with power beyond anything they have encountered before, one Ultrawoman may not be enough...





	Fight! Ultrawoman Half-Pint vs Counterattacking Amanojaku

"Seija, are you sure she's going to be okay with this?"

"Of course I'm sure. Now shut up, will you?"

The amanojaku and her reluctant companion crept through the endless crimson corridors. Dull orange flames from a seemingly endless row of torches cast twisted shadows on the walls either side of them. Kogasa felt like they were walking down the throat of some terrible monster, and sooner or later they were sure to plummet helplessly into its stomach.

"I know you had that letter from Patchouli, but... Well, why are we sneaking in so early?" Kogasa clung timidly to her umbrella as they crept along. "And since when did Patchouli write back to front? And why did we break into the craft room and steal a bucket of glue? And why did-"

Seija stopped dead in her tracks. Kogasa ploughed right into her, getting a faceful of greasy hair for the trouble.

"What is your problem, woman?!" Seija snapped, rounding on her dazed companion. Some glue slopped onto her shoes as the bucket rocked in Seija's hand. "I don't need flakes, Kogasa! I need a partner who'll do what I tell her without- I mean trusts me! Are you a flake?!"

"No! Absolutely not!" said Kogasa hotly. "I've never flaked in my life. Come on, let's get you that book!"

"That's the spirit!" Seija smiled a manipulative smile. "Let me just put down a little more glue, as Remilia requested in the other letter."

"She certainly does get some strange ideas..." Kogasa took a step back and watched uncertainly as Seija poured a pool of shiny white glue onto the floor.

"Yeah, well, she's a vampire. They're weird," explained Seija. "Come on, the library should be-"

"Just a minute!"

Kogasa started guiltily as Sakuya emerged from the shadows. Or a subspace bubble, knowing her. "Oh, hey, Sakuya! We were just, um, doing some stuff for your mistress! At her request! I swear! And-and then, uh, Seija was just going to borrow a book..."

Sakuya was less than impressed. "Since it's an amanojaku we're dealing with, I'm going to be charitable and assume that you truly believe you are doing the right thing. You, on the other hand..." Her hand abruptly filled with knifes. "You, Seija, have a lot of explaining to do."

Sakuya stepped forwards with a couple of loud squishes, the unmistakable sound of a maid's shoes meeting a pool of adhesive.

"Explaning?" Seija grinned wickedly. "I think your scrawny little bat-lady should be explaining why she needs so much glue. I mean, really, whole buckets of industrial-strength contact adhesive? She must be planning something! In the mean time, though, I hope you'll stick around..."

"Stick... around? What?" Sakuya tried to take another step forwards, but she was already bonded to the floor. "I-I'm stuck! Seija, how could you?!"

"The usual way!" Seija stuck her tongue out. "By the way, you can't reverse time, can you?"

"Oh, can't I?" A red spark flashed in Sakuya's eye. She flourished her pocket watch with a smile. "I think you will find that there's nothing I can't-"

Seija made a complicated gesture. All of a sudden, Sakuya was holding the half-filled bucket of glue and Seija was balancing the watch on one finger.

"Looking for this?" said Seija sweetly.

"Wh-wha-?!" Sakuya looked down at the bucket, then back up at her watch. Her eyes narrowed. She yeeted the bucket at Seija's head.

Seija grabbed Kogasa by the shoulders and held her up like a shield. The bucket was upon her before she could react. Cold, slimy adhesive glooped down past her shoulders in a sticky waterfall.

Sakuya bit her lip. "Sorry, Kogasa."

Kogasa screamed a muffled scream and flailed at what she thought was Seija but turned out to be a tapestry of a bat. The ancient cloth portrait cascaded over her bucket. She batted weakly at the fabric, tripped over a heavy fold and tumbled into the wall.

"Pathetic," sneered Seija. "Now, if there's nothing more to deal with-"

Sakuya threw a handful of knives at her. Seija dropped to the floor, a blade slicing her sleeve as it flashed past.

"Oh, dear!" Seija laughed a very smug laugh. "You'd better watch that temper of yours, unless you like being a stuck-up bitch." She made another complicated gesture.

Sakuya felt a sharp rush of air ruffling her dress. Her hands pressed against something cold and slimy, then she felt a sharp pull on her arms. She looked down and gasped, then looked up and almost screamed. Her hands were glued to the smooth plaster ceiling, her feet dangling at least twenty metres above the floor.

Seija laughed. "Stick around, Sakuya!"

Sakuya glared at her. "Only a villain would recycle her banter like that."

"Maybe." Seija shrugged. "Anyway, I'd better go and borrow that book..."

"Damn you, Seija! You won't ever get away with this!" shouted Sakuya. She tried to shake her fist at the amanojaku, but it was glued to the ceiling, so she shook her feet instead. "Kogasa! Kogasa, quick, you have to warn the GIRLS!"

* * *

The women of the Great Incident-Resolution Love Society assembled near the mansion later that day, in goggles and matching shirt-dresses with a sensible amount of frills.

Sanae nudged Marisa. "Got everything?" she whispered.

"Mm-hmm. Spell-cards, packed lunch, hakkero... Shinmyoumaru'll be scouting, and, um..." Marisa glanced over her shoulder at Raiko. "You have the medkit, right?"

"Of course she does!" Reimu butted in before Raiko could say anything. "All of you need to stop acting like children. We mustn't let... We can't let Reisen's sacrifice go in vain."

The group fell silent. Reisen's painful death at the hands of a giant millipede weighed heavily on their hearts, but there was no time to mourn while an amanojaku was on the loose.

"Um," said Shinmyoumaru, "are we going?"

Reimu nodded. "Follow me."

Meiling came running over as they approached the gate. "Thank heavens you GIRLS are here! This has been a pretty trying morning, all things considered."

"Calm down, woman! One has to stay strong at a time like this!" Reimu grabbed her by the shoulders, which was as high as she could reach. "We need to know where Seija went. Tell us!"

"Uhhh... Not a clue? All I know is she left glue all over the floor, and someone has to mop the whole stupid lot of it up," Meiling sighed. "Sakuya's doing all right, but poor Patchouli... She hasn't taken it well."

"Seija took a book, didn't she?" said Reimu, releasing Meiling's shoulders.

Meiling nodded. "We don't know which one, since she knocked all the shelves down."

Sanae gasped. "All forty-six thousand of them?! But-but you have books that haven't been in print since the Tower of Babel was sundered!"

"Not to mention the woodwork! How could she?!" growled Marisa.

"Don't worry, Meiling, we'll find Seija, get that book back and make her pay for every shelf! Now, can we see Patchouli?" asked Reimu.

"Of course, but... Don't overwhelm her." Meiling pulled the titanic iron gate open and ushered the GIRLS along the garden path. They followed her through the front doors and into a cool, airy dining room, where Patchouli was recovering under a purple blanket.

Patchouli looked up in mild interest as they stood worriedly in front of her, unsure of how to proceed. Her eyes were puffy and moist.

"Um." Reimu cleared her throat in a very emotionally repressed manner. "Patchouli? We need to know what happened."

"Eh? Oh, it's you. Well, Seija knocked down all the shelves and ruined thousands of my... M-my poor little books..." Patchouli stifled a sob as the grief threatened to overwhelm her once again. "Then she jumped up and down on them and flew through the ceiling."

Marisa's jaw dropped. "She JUMPED on my- I mean your books?!"

Patchouli nodded miserably. "She's ruined so many! I had no idea one amanojaku could stomp so effectively."

"I'll get you some tea, shall I?" Meiling butted in with impeccable timing. She noticed Shinmyoumaru in the shadow of the dining table. "Just a thimble for you, of course. Got to keep your strength up if Seija's on the loose again!"

"...Yes. Thank you." Reimu's tone of voice was carefully balanced between being upset at the interruption and eager to recieve a bowl of tea. "Now, um... Why would she stomp on all your books? What could Seija possibly have been trying to accomplish?"

"More to the point, there are four square kilometres' worth of books in the library! Could she really stomp that many?!" gasped Sanae.

Shinmyoumaru shifted nervously in her baggy GIRLS uniform, made by Alice for a slightly bigger doll, and edged closer to Marisa's leg. If her enemy was in the mood to trample things underfoot, she did not want to be in the firing line.

"Do you think Seija was targeting any books in particular?" Raiko piped up.

Patchouli shook her head. "She just danced around like a maniac."

"I suppose she already had what she wanted." Reimu squinted thoughtfully. "Meiling told us Seija had stolen one of your books. Do you know which one?"

"No. I saw it had a brown cover, but..." Patchouli sighed. "She stuffed it into her pocket and took off. Just like that. I never got to see the title."

"Must've been a big pocket," said Raiko.

"A massive one!" Shinmyoumaru gulped. "Was she wearing cargo trousers, or, uh...?"

Patchouli drew her knees close to her chest and sniffled. "It could have been any book. We have millions. Finding one absent book among so many would... Would..."

Patchouli buried her head under her blanket and bawled softly.

"Oh, Patchouli..." Sanae was on the verge of crying herself. "We'll get your book back and make that amanojaku pay! I swear it!"

"Yeah! That's 'book', singular, of course. Just- just the one." Marisa looked at her feet, uncharacteristically chagrined.

To Marisa's immense relief, Meiling chose that moment to come over with a laden tray, and a Koakuma as it turned out. Meiling served the bowls and thimble of tea while Koakuma flopped down in a chair, sweating in her grimy scarlet overalls.

"I've mopped up all the glue I could find," sighed the exhausted devil, "and got most of the fairies unstuck. Sakuya's still recovering, but she's really bummed out about losing the Luna Dial, and Remi and Flan are fishing books out of the swimming pool. And Kogasa says she'll help out wherever we need once we get the bucket off her head, so yeah."

"Well, tell them I am grateful," said Patchouli, her voice muffled by the blanket.

Koakuma rolled her eyes. "Sure, since it's impossible for you to tell them yourself."

"I'm glad we understand one-another," said Patchouli heavily.

Reimu swallowed the remainder of her tea and stood up. "We'd better take a look at the library. Is that all right with you?"

"Go ahe-"

"Wait, hold on! Say, Koakuma," said Marisa carefully, "what's the Luna Dial?"

Koakuma looked at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Wh...?! What do you mean, 'what's the-' Wh-what's-! The-! Everyone knows! The Luna Dial's a magic watch!"

"Okay?" said Marisa.

"What **kind** of magic watch?" asked Reimu.

"The temporal kind! It strengthens Sakuya's time-bending powers tenfold!"

Reimu's jaw dropped. "Tenfold?! But-but Seija has it now!"

"Oh, my gods!" panicked Raiko. "With that much power, she could...!"

"She could destroy us all!" wailed Sanae.

Shinmyoumaru stared up at Reimu with fear in her eyes. "Captain, what do we do?!"

"There's only one thing for it," said Reimu. "Patrol the skies until we find Seija! Kirisame, take Sukuna and Ina... Ba... No, just Sukuna. Horikawa, Kochiya, you're with me."

"Right!" the GIRLS agents chorused. They finished their tea, said their goodbyes and were about to leave when something smashed into the roof above them. A silver pocket watch fell amid a shower of wood and plaster and punched a small dent in the floor.

"Er," said Sanae.

Koakuma gasped. "Th-the Luna Dial!"

"It really is!" squeaked Shinmyoumaru. She hefted the pocket watch, which was as big as her head, and lugged it towards Patchouli.

Booming laughter echoed from on high. "I took pity on your maid. After all, there's no way her powers can affect me now!"

Shinmyoumaru's heart leapt into her throat. There was no mistaking that voice. "Seija! It's- it's Seija! Up there!"

"Oh, very perceptive! Give that half-pint a medal!" Although Seija could not be seen through the roof, there was no mistaking the sneer in her voice. "Thanks for the book, by the way. It was really helpful. Boy, do I feel strong! Now it's time to destroy Gensokyo!"

Seija's foot tore through the ceiling and hit the floor with a terrible crash. The mansion shook as the roof shattered around her waist, spilling splintered wood and roof tiles all over the dining room. The GIRLS agents scattered. Meiling and Koakuma bundled Patchouli out of the room. Shinmyoumaru dove under the table, still clutching the time-bending watch, then the table collapsed on head and the world went dark.

* * *

Reimu stared up in mounting horror as the dust cleared. Somehow, Seija had become a giant, her twenty-five-metre waist filling the gaping hole in the ceiling. She loomed over even the clock tower at the peak of the great house.

"I see you're all wondering how I managed to accomplish this... personal growth. Well, Patchie's book had everything I needed!" said Seija triumphantly. Her voice was like a roll of thunder, booming out through the mansion. "I used to live in fear of shrine-maidens and superior youkai, but now, I fear nothing! I'm going to slaughter the lot of you like insects!"

"I think she really means it." Sanae bit her lip. "GIRLS, we need a plan! None of the giant monsters we've fought have been Seija before!"

"What we need to do is attack! Get her before she gets us!" Marisa pulled out her hakkero and took aim at Seija's knees.

"No! Hold your fire!" barked Reimu, diving to one side as Seija tried to kick her. She rolled across the floor and sprang to her feet. "What we'll do is lure her out of the mansion! It's been destroyed five times this year already! Six if you count the time Okina painted it green."

"But Reimu, she's-!"

"You will address me by my rank, SOLDIER!" snapped Reimu, slapping Marisa across the face.

Marisa gulped. Letting Reimu be the captain had really gone to her head, but they could worry about that later. "I-I'm sorry, Your Royal Highness, Ma'am! Sir!"

Reimu held Marisa's gaze, silently daring her to fumble her words again. When no further insibordination came, Reimu revealed her plan. "We'll make our stand in the front garden. Move!"

The GIRLS moved at a sprint, reaching the garden with Seija hot on their heels. The massive amanojaku kicked her way out through the mansion, wincing as a heavy chunk of masonry fell on her foot. She threw a handful of orange bullets that left scorched craters in the grass where they landed.

Reimu and Sanae dove behind the compost heap. Marisa flopped down in a bed of roses, only to leap up in agony as they pricked her and tore at her clothes. Raiko dragged her into a hedge maze.

Seija laughed out loud. "Look at you, scattering like little insects! Fee, fi, fo, fum, I'm going to brutally murder the whole lot of you!"

Reimu unholstered her wand. "Fire at will!"

"B-but-! We're supposed to be firing at Seija!" cried Sanae.

Reimu breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Just... Just do whatever we're doing, all right?"

The Incident-Resolvers threw barrage after barrage at Seija. She screamed and flailed as bullets battered her skin and exploded all around her, filling the air with smoke.

With a furious cry, Seija launched herself forwards and started jumping on the hedge maze. Raiko and Marisa ran for their lives as her flip-flops flattened the topiary, filling their nostrils with the scent of freshly-spilled sap.

"Think you can catch us out, do you?!" growled Marisa, taking aim at Seija's shins. "Well, jump on this! MASTER SPAAAAAAARK!"

A rainbow-coloured laser blasted Seija's legs and dazzled the onlooking soldiers.

"Yeeeowch!" Seija clutched at her smouldering calves.

"Now's our chance! You are authorised to use your full strength!" Reimu threw glowing red amulets at every inch of Seija.

Sanae twirled her wand and unleashed a swarm of blue stars. Raiko bombarded Seija with lightning. Marisa hurled sizzling blue lasers in all directions.

Explosions battered Seija and bathed her in fire. She screamed and batted at the flames, but apart from some some mild burns, she was still unscathed.

Sanae gasped. "She's invulnerable!"

"Captain!" Raiko ran over to Reimu. "We can't even touch her! We have to retreat!"

Reimu considered it for a moment. A poorly-aimed kick from Seija sealed the deal, as well as almost scalping her. "All right, Horikawa, get to the Jeep! Kirisame, Sukuna, keep her busy! Kochiya, you're with me... Um, where's Sukuna?"

Sanae and Marisa looked at their feet. Raiko looked at the sky.

"I see," growled Reimu. "Well, just... Just keep an eye out for her. Move out!"

Raiko ran through the fire and explosions and dove into the crude wooden car. She leaned over the paper windscreen and rapped on the bonnet. "Hey, Clownpiece, wake up and get ready to pedal hard!"

Marisa gave Seija everything she had, diving past huge sizzling bullets to strike hard and fast.

Reimu and Sanae ran back into the mansion. They staggered out moments later with Sakuya and Patchouli in their arms.

"The rest are staying! Didn't have time to argue!" shouted Reimu.

Marisa broke away and flew above their heads, blasting away anything Seija threw at them. They hurried towards the Jeep. Reimu jumped into the driver's seat, Sanae helped Patchouli do up her seat belt and Marisa stuffed Sakuya into the boot.

Seija was stomping lazily towards them. "All right, GIRLS, hold on tight!" barked Reimu, flooring the accelerator.

Nothing happened. Reimu kicked the front of the car. After a few seconds and a small tirade from Clownpiece, the Jeep jerked forwards.

Just as they trundled through the gate, a blast of blood-red fire struck in front of the Jeep. The vehicle rocked backwards and hit the ground, spilling its terrified passengers over the grass.

"Oops, was that yours? I'm sorry..." said Seija, making a sad, mocking face which was quickly replaced by a sadistic grin. "Let me put you out of your misery!"

"I've always loved you," whispered Marisa, taking Reimu's hand.

"I've always loved you SIR," hissed Reimu, cuffing Marisa on the head again. Marisa shut her eyes and tried not to cry as she waited for the end. 

* * *

Deep within the ruins of the mansion, the tiniest GIRLS agent awoke in darkness. Cold, hard floor tiles were beneath her back, and faint sunlight revealed the masses of wood all around her. She tried to move, but the pain she'd been ignoring came back in a towering wave that made her howl in anguish.

Shinmyoumaru felt as if she was being sliced in half. A splintered table leg pressed her flat against the floor. The pain was unbearable, but the broken piece of wood that tortured her was also her saviour, holding the heavy wooden tabletop just high enough that she could breathe.

Shinmyoumaru's right arm was numb, but a moment's desperate struggle allowed her to pull the left one from under the crushing wood. Tears filled her eyes as the table leg ground against her midriff. She eased the Miracle Mallet from her pocket, screamed once again for good measure, and thrust the golden hammer as high up as she could manage.

"Po... Power of- oww... Power of Issun-Boshi... Awaken! ULTRAWOMAN HALF-PINT!"

* * *

A blinding light flashed behind Seija. She looked back in amazement as a long, loud noise not unlike what you would hear if a cat jumped on your synth echoed out over the wilderness. Seija gasped. Standing amidst the wreckage of Scarlet Devil Mansion was a petite giant with red and silver skin, two round yellow eyes and a black soup bowl upon her head.

The warrior was several feet shorter than Seija, but there was no fear in her glowing eyes as she strode towards her.

Marisa soon realised she wasn't dead. She opened one eye, then the other, and her face lit up. "Hey, look! GIRLS, look, it's Ultrawoman!"

Seija folded her arms. "And just who are you, bowl-head?"

"I am Ultrawoman Half-Pint. I was sent here from the Land of Light to protect humans and youkai from monsters too big for them to handle." The giantess spoke with a deep, melodious voice. "You cannot beat me, Seija, so I suggest you surrender."

Seija smirked. "Whoever you are, you're not wearing any bloomers!"

"I... No, that... Well, yes. But, um, as you can see, I don't have any... You know... 'Parts'..." Ultrawoman Half-Pint cleared her throat.

"Your loss," said Seija neutrally.

Ultrawoman Half-Pint stepped smoothly into her fighting stance, with both arms raised and one leg braced behind her. Realising she meant business, Seija charged.

Seija punched Ultrawoman Half-Pint in the face. Half-Pint battered Seija with her silver forearms and kicked her in the stomach. Seija staggered backwards and wheezed. Half-Pint sprang up and somersaulted over Seija's head, landing with a thump that shook the earth.

Before Seija could react, Half-Pint grabbed both her shoulders. They struggled furiously, Seija swearing and trying to poke Ultrawoman Half-Pint in the eyes, Half-Pint staying silent and trying to flip Seija over. Seija's strength gave out first. Half-Pint flipped Seija over her head and into the mansion, where she plunged into the roof and stuck there.

"Look! She did it!" cried Raiko.

"Hooray for Ultrawoman Half-Pint!" Marisa jumped for joy.

Their celebration was cut short by an eerie blue light flashing around Seija's flailing legs. In an instant, Seija was back on her feet and Ultrawoman Half-Pint was standing on her head.

Half-Pint fell down in a heap. Within seconds Seija was upon her, punching and kicking with all her might.

After a few good pummels, Seija grabbed Half-Pint by the ankles and dragged her towards the lake. Seeing her chance, Half-Pint braced her arms and fired a beam of white sparks.

Seija screamed as the specium ray poured onto her stomach, burning a hole in her dress and searing her skin. She fell limply into the icy lake and lay still.

"Is she... Is she dead?" breathed Sanae.

"Ultrawoman did it!" gasped Raiko.

"She's amazing!" fangirled Marisa.

"Can I get out of the boot now?" asked Sakuya.

Just as Clownpiece was punching her way through the bonnet, a bright blue flash lit up the mansion grounds. Ultrawoman Half-Pint suddenly found herself thrashing around in the lake while Seija stood triumphantly on the gravelly shore.

"You can't defeat me, bowl-head! I can reverse anything in my sight!" laughed Seija. Water poured off her sopping dress. "Now die!"

Seija raised her arms over her head. Thousands of red bullets materialised around her and rushed towards Half-Pint, who could do nothing but cover her eyes and let them hit. The dome-shaped light on her chest began to blink red.

"Oh, no..." Sanae clung to Raiko. "If Ultrawoman Half-Pint's colour timer goes out, she'll never rise again! We have to do something!"

"She's already softened Seija up for us! We can take her!" said Marisa hotly. "Captain, please! Give us the order to attack!"

Stony-faced, Reimu considered giving the order to attack.

"Captain!" appealed Raiko.

"Please, Captain!" appealed Sanae.

Reimu paced up and down as she considered it further.

"This is fun!" giggled Clownpiece, leaning against Sakuya.

"So dramatic!" Sakuya put her arm around Clownpiece's shoulders.

"I miss spell-card duels," muttered Marisa.

After stringing them along for a few more seconds Reimu abruptly raised her wand. "GIRLS, take off and neutralise the giant. Quickly!"

"Right!" chorused Reimu's subordinates.

The GIRLS flew up and surrounded Seija. They circled her torso at speed, close enough to hit her and far enough away to avoid getting batted out of the sky.

"Fire!" ordered Reimu.

Sanae bombarded Seija with blue stars. Marisa cast flaming yellow meteors at her face. Reimu unleashed a barrage of persuasion needles. Raiko sprayed Seija with red drumsticks.

Seija screamed in pain as the bullets rained down and burst into burning sparks against her skin. She made a grab for Raiko, getting her hand zapped senseless for the trouble.

"That's the spirit! Take her down!" Marisa swooped between Seija's legs and lasered her thighs, making her yelp with pain. She peppered Seija's left hip, the small of her back and the nape of her neck with stars as she swung up over her massive head.

Marisa came to a halt and aimed her hakkero squarely at Seija's nose. "Let's see how you like this. MASTER SP-"

Seija took a deep breath, opened her mouth and spat out a sizzling stream of fire. Marisa let out a piercing scream as the inferno washed over her. She hurtled towards the lake, trailing clouds of black smoke.

"S-since when could-?!" was all Sanae managed to yelp before Seija breathed fire on her as well. "Aaaaaaahhh!" she added, desperately patting out flames all over her body as she plummeted.

"Dang..." Reimu pulled in beside Raiko, scowling furiously. "If this keeps up, things could get even worse. Horikawa, you'll have to use your rocket drums."

Raiko's face lit up. "All right!" Grinning widely, she thrust her drumsticks into the air. Lightning arced across her body as the power of every drummer in the Outside World was brought to life. "Seventh Drum: High-Speed Taiko Rocket!"

A wave of massive wooden drums materialised around Raiko and blasted towards Seija, trailing yellow flames that could melt steel. Seija ducked. The taiko rockets smashed into the mansion, turning a sizeable chunk of the roof to splinters. Within seconds, the whole east wing was a roaring inferno.

Raiko began to bite her nails.

"That was just sad," said Seija, shaking her head. "All right, Imma put you both out of your misery now. Take THIS!"

* * *

On a high red balcony that had somehow survived the carnage, the young mistress of the Scarlet household bit her lip. "That's not going well. Flandre, I think we need to do something."

Flandre's eyes lit up with joy. "You really mean it?!"

Remilia nodded. "We've kept our power hidden long enough. Let's do this!" She raised Gungnir over her head.

"Oh, this is so cool!" squeaked Flandre. She thrust Laevattein into the sky. "Are we, you know...?"

"I think this calls for a fusion. We need to make the right impression, you know?" smiled Remilia.

Flandre nodded eagerly.

The Scarlets shone with an unearthly red glow as their voices rang out. "Colour us with your power! FlaRe!"

* * *

Seija's arm froze abrubtly in mid-punch. She looked down in alarm at the silver hand wrapped tightly around her forearm, then looked back in considerably more alarm at the woman holding her.

"Oh, my gods...!" breathed Raiko. "Another Ultrawoman! But how?!"

The new arrival was as tall as Seija. One half of her head was crowned with short blue spikes, the other half with yellow tendrils, and four shimmering crystalline wings stretched out from her heavy shoulders.

"Time's up, Seija!" In spite of her size, the new Ultrawoman had a noticeably squeakier voice than Half-pint. "Don't you know Gensokyo was built for all of us?! People like you, who take whatever they want and leave nothing else standing, are not welcome any more!"

Seija threw off the Ultrawoman's hand and put up her dukes. "If you're looking for your tiny friend, she's in the lake over there. You can join her any time you want!"

The winged giant's eyes darted to Misty Lake. Seija siezed her chance. Her flip-flop smacked into the Ultrawoman's knee, making her yelp and reel back in agony.

Seija sprang towards the Ultrawoman and threw a punch at her face. The Ultrawoman spread her arms wide and slapped Seija's ears in one swift movement. Seija headbutted the Ultrawoman right in the absence of nose and rammed her knee into her stomach, eliciting a rather pained wheeze.

The Ultrawoman pushed forwards with all her might. With only one leg holding her up, Seija was defenceless. She fell on her back with a heavy thump. The Ultrawoman gave her a sharp kick in the face, swung around and ran towards the lake.

The mystery giantess knelt in the water beside Ultrawoman Half-Pint and shook her awake. "Half-Pint! Half-Pint, don't give in!" Her voice was high and melodious, tinged with concern. "This fight is not over, my sister. Stand up!"

Ultrawoman Half-Pint stared through bleary eyes at her saviour. "Who... Who are you?"

"We are- I mean, I am Ultrawoman FlaRe."

"FlaRe..." breathed Half-Pint. "I am honoured to meet you."

"Likewise. Now come, take our- my hand!"

Half-Pint took FlaRe's hand and rose awkwardly to her feet. They turned to face Seija, who had been scowling and tapping her foot on the shore for the past twenty seconds.

"If you two are quite finished..."

"Three." FlaRe's eyes widened as she realised what she'd said. "N-no, shut up! You'll give us... me... You'll give it away!"

"Give what away?" asked Half-Pint.

"Shut up!" snapped FlaRe. Half-Pint had the strange feeling that two argumentative siblings were shouting at her in a rare moment of agreement.

Seija lowered her head and ran at Ultrawoman FlaRe. They met with a smack that echoed across the lake. FlaRe skidded backwards through the calf-deep water as she caught the amanojaku. Seija grabbed FlaRe, heaved her into the air and threw her onto the beach in a shower of gravel.

Half-Pint launched herself at the enemy. Her foot snapped up and struck Seija between the kidneys. She fell on top of FlaRe with a thump. Half-Pint dove onto her back, making FlaRe wince in pain.

Half-Pint knew she had to work fast, to avoid squashing poor FlaRe if nothing else. She wedged her forearm under Seija's chin and heaved.

Seija gagged as Half-Pint forced her to stand. She struck with her elbows, ramming Half-Pint's ribcage on both sides. Half-Pint dropped her and stumbled away.

Seija laughed with glee as she bombarded Half-Pint with red bullets that stung like fire. Half-Pint could feel her strength ebbing away as she flailed at the barrage.

FlaRe was stalking unnoticed towards Seija. She winked at Half-Pint, leapt up and karate-chopped Seija on the scalp. Seija screamed and fell to her knees.

The echoing smack of foot against skin rang out as FlaRe kicked Seija again and again. She bashed Seija's head against the ground a few times, stomped on her and gave her one more kick for good measure.

"We- I would not like to be in your position, Seija!" Ultrawoman FlaRe folded her arms with a satisfied smile. "Got any last words, or would you like me to shove a tree up your- Flandre, no! That's really immature! I... I, um... A-any last words? Seija?"

Seija snorted. "You two really need to protect your secret identities better. And no, I don't have last words yet, just one little... FLIP!"

"No! FlaRe, watch out!" Half-Pint dove towards her, but it was too late. FlaRe found herself face-down in the cold gravel, and in a second Seija was upon her.

"Last words?! Last words?! I'll never have any!" roared Seija, pummeling FlaRe with all her strength. Her eyes were full of malice, her face streaked with blood. "Take that! And that! And this! And these! And that other one! Die! Die! Die! Eat it, ugly!"

"Damn you, Seija!" Anger boiled up from Half-Pint's heart. It coursed through her veins like hot wine, filling her with determination to win. Determination to protect FlaRe, her comrades in GIRLS and all the innocent people Seija wanted to destroy. Ultrawoman Half-Pint raised her hand and grasped a thick, gleaming needle that almost matched her for size. She had never seen the needle until that moment, but it felt right inside her hand. Somehow, that needle was a part of her, and it wanted to win as much as she did.

"Oi! Seija!" Ultrawoman Half-Pint hefted the needle and took aim. "Ultra Shining Needle Strike!"

"Wha-?!"

Half-Pint hurled the needle with all her strength. It struck home and pierced Seija's heart. Seija's whole body stiffened. She fell to her knees and slowly keeled over, wide-eyed with horror. Then she exploded.

Half-Pint ran to FlaRe's side, ignoring the charred, bloody chunks of Seija raining down on her. She knelt beside the injured warrior and propped her up.

"Aaaugh," groaned FlaRe. "Half-Pint, did you...?"

Half-Pint nodded. "She'll probably come back to life at some point, but yes."

"We'll be ready when she comes back." FlaRe smiled wearily. "And this time, I really do mean 'we'."

"Can you stand?"

"I think so... Ow."

Half-Pint helped FlaRe to her feet. Arm in arm, they faced the setting sun, which Amaterasu had laid on for them even though it wasn't yet one o'clock.

"Shuwatch!"

Their work complete, the Ultrawomen soared away.

* * *

"Bye, Ultrawomen!"

"Thank you!"

"So long!"

"Come back any time!"

"Yay, giant warriors from space..." Somehow, Marisa didn't feel like celebrating. The Scarlet Devil Mansion was in ruins, she and Sanae both had severe burns, and their friend had probably been crushed under a tonne of rubble. "I'll miss you, Shinmyoumaru."

"Is something wrong?" Reimu had noticed Marisa's sadness.

"No, I just... People never used to die like that when we had spell-card duels! Before all these stupid giant monsters started coming..."

Reimu took Marisa by the shoulders, making her flinch. "Kirisame... I understand how you feel. Life isn't so good any more, it's true, and those monsters are worse than any youkai with a hat... But we have to keep fighting. We're women, aren't we? And women can't cry while we're fighting for the men and children back home. So chin up, all right? I'll buy you a..." Reimu patted her pockets, looking worried. "Actually, can you buy us both a cold sake?"

Marisa rolled her eyes. "Yeah, all right... It won't be the same, though. Not without Shinmyoumaru trying to swim in the-"

"Hey!"

Marisa gasped, as did the other three GIRLS. Sakuya and Clownpiece didn't. They were busy playing hopscotch with Patchouli supervising.

"Captain! Everyone!" There was no mistaking that voice. Running along the beach with Flandre and Remilia by her sides was Shinmyoumaru.

"Shi... Shinmyoumaru?!" Marisa's heart blossomed with delight. "Hey! Shinmyoumaru!"

"Hey!"

"Hey! Sukuna!"

"Mistress! Other Mistress!"

"Hey!"

Sakuya ran over and squeezed the two vampires. Shinmyoumaru leapt on Marisa and hugged her knee.

"I don't believe it!" Marisa felt like weeping with joy, but she didn't dare to in front of Reimu. "How?! How did you get out?!"

"They helped me!" Shinmyoumaru smiled at Remilia and Flandre. Flandre waved cheerily. Remilia preened herself. "We had to, um, claw our way out of the ruins, then, um..."

"Stuff happened!" Flandre winked.

"It wasn't easy," said Remilia earnestly.

"You missed Ultrawoman Half-Pint again, though," Raiko piped up. "Poor Shinmyoumaru. You're never here when she shows up."

"And there was another Ultrawoman this time! Oh, she was so cool!" gushed Sanae. "She had the best hairstyle ever, and-and she was so big and strong and her wings were awesome! They were like giant rainbows made of... Well, probably the same stuff Flandre's wings are..."

Sanae fell silent. A big thought had occurred to her.

"That's too bad, I suppose." Shinmyoumaru shrugged. "The important thing is, we're all still here. And Gensokyo's children can sleep safely tonight."

Clownpiece pulled a face. "Sleep?! There's a rave at midnight and I have no intention of missing it!"

Shinmyoumaru gave her a disapproving look. Sakuya, the vampires and the rest of the GIRLS burst out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> ~Patch Notes for Version 1.1~
> 
> * Added two short scenes where Shinmyoumaru and the Scarlets transform into their giant warrior forms.  
> * Added a line where Ultrawoman FlaRe takes Seija to task shortly after her arrival.
> 
> ~End Note~
> 
> This story started out as one of my Gensokyo Festival entries, but it evolved so much during the remastering phase that I decided to publish it in its own right. Ultrawoman FlaRe and the GIRLS were completely new, as was Koakuma cleaning up the glue; Flandre and Remilia have individual Ultra forms, of course, but they're stronger as a fusion. Just like the Minato brothers. Reimu definitely follows the Dan Moroboshi school of captainhood as well...


End file.
